Blogging about nothing.

 
The Dumberfication of the Federal Sentencing Guidelines

So Congress passed the Amber Alert bill that contains a slightly watered down version of the Feeney Amendment. Not that watered-down though. As I understand it, the statute still overrules Koon v. United States and still requires reports to Congress of every downward departure. Thus, in my estimation, it is still dumb.


posted by mindse at 10:05 AM

 
Sunny So-Cal

I find myself once again down here in sunny Southern California. During my decade-plus living in New York City, I reviled this part of the world. I mocked those who moved out here and predicted their swift return. I ridiculed denizens of LA as vapid, convertible-driving, cell-phone-talking, silicone-breasted, botoxed bimbos. I still think that I was mostly right. However, I have decided to move here nonetheless. The irony is not lost on me. I thought I'd work out my insecurities and uncertainty about the wisdom of this decision here, in public, in front of everyone in the world. Or, at least, the five or six loyal Academy readers.

Although the primary reason is my love of a fellow Academy member, that can't be the only reason. Not because of some feminist "I am my own person" kind of thinking. I'm over that. I'm absolutely not my own person. I was my own person for a really long time and it got waaaay boring. (Except for the luxury of eating only popcorn for dinner, which I kind of miss.) Frankly, Robert's worth chucking lots of life plans over. It can't be the only reason because Robert has no real desire to stay here. He would've gone back to NYC with me if that's what we decided to do. But inertia is a funny thing. Plus, I think he's managed to convince Thorlarc and the other surly partners in the LA office of his Big Bad Lawfirm that he's smart, capable, and willing to work hard when he has to. Why would he want to uproot himself and head off to the Mothership where he would have to prove all that to another crowd of surly Thorlarcs? So, it makes sense to stay. But he would've left -- so he can't me *my* only reason to move here....

Here are some other reasons I'm choosing LA over NY:

1. Its purty.
2. It has good mexican food.
3. I can drive one of them new convertible beetles
4. My old roommate Marge, who I love dearly, lives here
5. My old friend Andy, who I love dearly, lives here
6. Did I mention the convertible beetle? I mean, that's kind of a big thing for me. That's odd, isn't it, considering my aforementioned LA stereotype.
7. 40-minute, 50 dollar plane rides to Vegas. Or, in the alternative, four hour raucous road trips to Vegas. LA's proximity to Vegas is my point.
8. It's close to the ocean. Of course, so's New York, technically. I don't think I need to explain why its kinda different out here though.
9. It has grocery stores that you can turn your cart around in
10. We can probably buy a place to live. Unlike NYC, where studio apartments in Brooklyn are going for half a mil lately.
11. Movies. It's a movie town. They make 'em here. Hot and fresh movies, popping out of studios like Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
12. Dodger Stadium is a beautiful place to see a baseball game.
13. My old friend Paul, who I love dearly, is a professor here
14. They have hotels/restaurants/bars that are so obvious about trying to be cool its hysterically funny. Example #1: the aquarium behind the registration desk at The Standard that contains an underwear model, lounging and reading a book. Having come of age as an adult in NYC, where the idea is that you turn your nose up at anything that obvious, I love that kind of thing.
15. Amusing nonsense is pretty much the norm. For instance, this one time, Robert and I were at one of those cool restaurants, and I saw this guy I went to college with whose name was Jim. We walked past the table and he didn't see me, though, so I sat down and had a mojito before going over to say Hi. I regaled Robert with tales of Jim while I sipped my drink. Fortified by minty rum goodness, I wandered over to the table to say hello. Jim was turned away from me, stuffing a bite of garlic mashed potatoes into his mouth. "Hey!" I cheerily greeted him. He turned to me and stared. I suddenly became not so sure that he was Jim. Thus, I asked, "Is your name Jim?" "No," he grunted, through potatoes. At that point, I realized that he was Kiefer Sutherland. That kind of thing could happen every week!

Let's face it: two years in Portland have made me soft. I could no more move back to NYC right now than I could become an astronaut. I like driving around in my cute little car too much. I like sleeping far away from my refrigerator too much. I like forgetting the smell of the subway in the summer too much. I'm ruined for life. So, I'm moving to LA.
posted by mindse at 11:22 AM

 
Mystery Solved

Huzzah! The genius behind The Judge Song and the parties to blame for my humming "Happy Together" by the Turtles obsessively have been identified. The Bar and Grill Singers are responsible. I'm proud to say they're from Texas, folks.
posted by mindse at 11:44 AM