The Academy

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Thursday, February 27, 2003
I cannot say too much about this, but we're planning a new feature here at The Academy. Its a little feature we like to call "20 Questions for A Prominent and Prolific Blawgger Whose Focus Is Appellate Law." We've already selected our first candidate, but we wouldn't want to spoil the surprise by revealing his identity too soon. Any suggestions for questions?

I read the following article on today. I think this is a fine remedy -- especially for AUSA-type cases of mail theft and stealing flowers from federal parks.


Those words, printed on a sandwich board in capital letters, were part of a sentence handed down Tuesday by U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker.

Shawn Gementera, a convicted mail thief, will have to spend 100 hours -- the equivalent of 2 1/2 weeks at a full-time job -- wearing the sandwich board in front of a U.S. Post Office building.

Gementera admitted stealing mail from mailboxes in San Francisco and Burlingame, Calif. When U.S. postal inspectors caught up to him, he had 42 pieces of mail, including a check worth more than $1,500.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003
For the past 1 hour and 43 minutes my WACKY officemate has been cleaning,
with the help of another employee, her work "area". Her work area is
approximately the size of Biggie Smalls casket (he was large, but not that
large - keep in mind).

For the past 1 hour and 43 minutes, I have had to listen to "That looks so
much better.", "Awesome", "where should I put this - it is VERY old.",
"Mark, are you seeing all the changes?", "Wow - this is like a new office."
In my opinion, office areas should appear piled up and worked in - otherwise
management assumes you have NOTHING TO DO. For my own security, I keep a
large pile of NONSENSE on my desk with a large yellow sticky on top of it
that reads: "PENDING". The pile is COVERED in dust which I blow away when
I leave on Fridays, so all is fresh on Monday mornings for me.

For the past 1 hour and 43 minutes, I have been offered bits and bobs of
USELESS office supplies, and "scrap paper". Where I come from, that's
trash. Burn it or give it to a homeless person. I don't need junk and I
certainly don't need charity.

For the past 1 hour and 43 minutes, a steady amount of DUST and AIRBORNE
PARTICLES have been fluttering about me - and being a creature that
breathes, I have ingested that SHIT. My eyes are now red and my head hurts
and I am in a rare BITCHY MOOD.

I'm still working on my retaliation, so suggestions are welcomed.

Monday, February 24, 2003
If it wasn't for my being so goldarned busy today, I would have celebrated that exact same line from the Harvard Crimson. Thank God Jen had time to do it for me. Michael J. Skey is about eleven hundred miles ahead of the game.

“Smart kids overanalyze things,” he said.

I vote for Michael J. Skey. For whatever he wants to run for.

More on the snow penis: Last night's Harvard Crimson copy editor either had a sense of humor or was asleep at the switch. Here are the first two grafs from the update on the snow penis and snowballs:

"When a few members of the Harvard crew team decided to build a snowy representation of the male anatomy on Feb. 11, they never imagined it would be so hard to keep it up.

"The 9-foot snow phallus, constructed in Tercentenary Theater, was torn down just hours after its erection."

Yes, very good. There are also amusing comments from the women's studies professoriat.

I write in support of 'however.' I like it. I use it. I try not to use it too much. Who doesn't like it? I'm gonna have to say something to those people in defense of 'however.' I do not think that perfectly good words should be pushed out of use by the language police.

I think J Lo should talk less and dance more. Not only is her purse "metaphor" not useful, it is also wrong. She suggested that it would be absurd for people to jump to the conclusion that a lipstick tube in her purse was some kind of weapon. Not such an absurd leap in my opinion. After all, she was involved a shooting incident not so long ago.

Sunday, February 23, 2003
My favorite inadvertent visit to The Academy this week:

Perhaps looking to purchase some nice Jimmy Choo's for Daredevil star Jennifer Garner, someone innocently typed "Jennifer Garner Shoe Size 8" into google and ended up here.